I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
