Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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