So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize