I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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