well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize