take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
