I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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