Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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