At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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