well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
