Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
