I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She's the barista slut.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
