when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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