Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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