We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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