Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
