who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
