I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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