What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
