1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
i now understand why vodka
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
