Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
