I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
