Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
