What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
