A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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