real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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