I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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