Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
