She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
