so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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