I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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