So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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