i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
