I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
