Three words: puerto rican gang bang
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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