There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
