It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
