You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
