I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I accidentally burped into my bong.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
