You really coming over, don't trick.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Dicks are not precious.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
