I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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