Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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