Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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