My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
