I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
