That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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