glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
