he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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