oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
