yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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