i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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