i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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