I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
