i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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