I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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