So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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