It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
