I smell stomach acid.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
