A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He did a backflip because drugs
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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