We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
