508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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