You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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