I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
