i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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