he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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