yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
