that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
