my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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