It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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